I get it!

Last night, my son took my daughters and I to dinner.  He wanted to introduce us to his new girlfriend.  During dinner, we chatted, nothing major, just getting caught up on events that took place during the past week.  My son and I work for the same company, and I had taken the week off for Thanksgiving.  My son mentioned that the owners of the company we work for bought the building across from us...I knew they'd been talking about doing it, but wasn't sure if they'd actually do it or not since it makes absolutely NO sense for them to make that purchase even though we need more space.  My son went on to mention some other things that came up while I was out, but the purchase of the building wouldn't leave my mind.  Probably because "my little voice" kept shouting "NOW do you get it?".  Yeah, I get it.

For the last six years, I've been working for myself as a real estate agent.  In spite of all the protests and people telling me I'd never succeed and that I was a fool to not have a "real job", I did extremely well.  I made more money than I knew what to do with.  I never worried about how I was going to pay my bills.  I wasn't stressing over writing my yearly review in hopes of getting a 3% raise, which is nothing in my opinion, only to find out my employer felt I was only worth 1.75%.  I was proud of my accomplishments and for the first time was happy with what I did to make a living.  Even though I was living large, there were haters...always in my ear telling me that I was probably only successful because I slept with my clients.  What do YOU have to offer that anyone could possibly want?  Everything!  I used to be able to let that type of thing roll off my back.  When haters would talk ish before, I felt motivated and empowered.  What happened to that me?  I upgraded my life but didn't upgrade my crowd.

Some of us are raised to believe that we are only worth what someone else thinks we're worth.  We're taught that if you think highly of yourself, that you're selfish.  You're conceited.  You're egotistical.  Which can be true if your thoughts of yourself aren't coming from the right place.  What I've learned is that if you don't think highly of yourself, neither will anyone else.  My life fell apart when I stopped believing in me.

Last year I decided to get a "real job".  I started believing the hype about the real estate market:  'you have kids, it's irresponsible of you as a parent to try to make it in this market without a REAL JOB'...or 'there are no buyers or sellers out there, how are you going to live?'.  In all the years I've been an agent, I never advertised and never had to worry about where work would come from.  I believed that as long as I was appreciative for what I had and showed gratitude, more of the good stuff I'd been getting would keep coming to me.  Of course, since I hadn't upgraded my crowd, everyone was telling me 'you're crazy/stupid/retarded'. No matter who you are, when you keep the wrong company, eventually they are going to bring you down.  I thought I'd learned to love myself enough to not allow myself to believe the bad things "friends" and "family" said to/about me...but I didn't.

So I decided to get a "real job".  I found one paying something like $40K a year.  Far below what I'm worth but I took it because I was tired of sending out resumes.  Huge mistake/step in the wrong direction.  My tiny little checks pretty much paid for my gas to get back and forth to work.  I had a very nice car...an absolutely beautiful black on black ML500.  My "real job" didn't pay me enough to live, so I sold the car to be able to make it through last winter.  I lost my house.  While looking for a "real job", I stopped doing real estate so I had no income.  I lost all of my "stuff"....tons of furniture (I lived in a 5 bedroom fully furnished house), designer handbags, shoes, clothes, art work.  I hadn't found a "real job", so I couldn't pay my $350 storage bill.  I asked my "friends" and "family" for help.  Every single one of them said no.  My little voice was telling me, 'dump these zeroes and find you some heroes'.  I ignored it.

After I lost all my of my "stuff", I found another "real job".  I've been with them for almost a year.  The owners of the company saw my resume and know what I'm bringing to the table.  They offered me $60K a year under the condition that I stop doing real estate all together.  Out of desperation, I took it.  I'm absolutely miserable here.  I am highly talented and have so much to offer.  Instead of using my talents to their benefit, I'm literally hidden in a back office. I'm not allowed to meet clients.  I'm often left out of important company communications.  Staff are plucked from my team to fill in other areas WITHOUT speaking to me first.  Why?  I'm a threat.  And that's a good thing.

When my son told me the owners bought the new building, I was angry.  Not two weeks ago, I approached the owners and told them that I needed more money.  I told them that if I hadn't given up real estate, I only had to sell two $250K houses per month to make more than what they're paying me.  They asked what it would take for me to stay and not do real estate.  I told them at least $75K.  When I said that out loud, that's when I realized I am short-changing myself.  I am damn good at everything I do and I'm worth significantly more than that.  I have created processes that allow this company to make between $25K and $60K per event that we do for a particular client.  We do about 24 events per year for this client.  Do the math.  This company is making bank on my process.  Do you know how they thank me?  "We'll give you a $7000 per year raise but we can't tell you when that will take effect".  Hmmm...I wonder if I tell the electric company that I'll pay my bill as soon as I get my raise, if will they leave my lights on?  I get it.  Do I have to lose everything AGAIN before I wake the hell up?!?  The owners have $250K to buy the building next door but can't tell me when I'll get the raise I was promised?  Not only that, they haven't even spoken with HR and payroll about the increase I was promised.  I GET IT!

It's never OK to settle.  Don't sell yourself short.  Don't let anyone else determine your destiny.  If your "crowd" is telling you anything that doesn't mesh with what you're "little voice" is telling you, get a new crowd.  If you think or treat yourself poorly, don't be surprised when everyone else does it too.  Now that I've gotten honest with myself about how poorly my "real job" is actually treating me, I've set a new goal:  find and close 3 real estate deals so that I can quit and do what I want and not what someone else wants for me.