I won't get mad at my 12 year old daughter for her inadequate hygiene.
NCI will soon be a distant memory and I'll give my real estate career the attention it deserves.
I will travel more.
I'll go back to my 2 hour minimum workouts to help keep stress out of my life.
I will not have to think about showing gratitude, it will be a habit that becomes second nature.
I will dedicate 30 minutes everyday to meditation.
I will stop eating out so often.
I will pay off all of my debt.
I will nurture new and established relationships to ensure that they remain healthy.
I will continue weeding out people and things that are not beneficial to me.
I'll see a doctor about my health concerns instead of thinking I'm too young/too fit to be sick.
I'll sign up for cooking school.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Talk about dysfunction??
I don't believe that we have to put up with crap from people just because they're related to us. I don't care if it's your parents, your kids, your cousins...we all deserve to be treated a certain way and those who can't manage to do that don't deserve our time.
Back in September, I stopped speaking to my mother. After almost 41 years of being told I'm stupid, worthless, would never do anything with my life, I'm not important, I'm a whore, a liar, and whatever else came to mind, I decided I'm not putting up with it anymore. If I let her treat me that way, I have no business expecting any better from anyone else. I tried reasoning with my mother, but you have to be a complete idiot to try reasoning with an irrational person. My mother believes that asking her: to stop calling me stupid, stop telling my kids that I'm a drug addict/prostitute, stop being so rude and nasty to me is disrespectful. Respect is earned, not given...and you don't get it just because you're alive or older than I am. When my mother texted me in September as if she supports me physically, emotionally and financially about something I chose to let my child do, I admit, it ticked me off. Even though I was mad at her, I did not respond in a rude manner. I asked her to please stay out of situations between me and my daughter unless one of us asks for her help. She went off and I told her I wanted to terminate our relationship until she learns to be more respectful toward me. Don't call me a dumb ass my whole life and then act like I'm abnormal because I don't like it!
Every single important person that I've introduced my mother to, she used as an opportunity to make me look stupid. When I introduced her to my ex-husband, what does she do? Ask him what why he would want someone like me because I have nothing to offer. My ex-husband later turned out to be a jackass. He was extremely abusive toward me...always telling me I'm ugly, fat, a whore, stupid, worthless. When he realized the words didn't bother me anymore, he started hitting me. I remember a conversation I had with my mother about why I decided to leave my ex-husband. I told her I had to leave because even though he didn't hit me in front of our kids, I didn't want them thinking that was OK. My mom's response? You're hard to deal with and probably did something to deserve it. A couple years later, I started dating a really nice guy. Took him to meet mom, what does she do? "What do you want with someone like Tisha, she don't have nothing to offer. She's a burden, why would you take on a single mother with three kids?" Thanks for your vote of confidence "mom"! My mother is an extremely hateful and probably mentally ill person...and she takes her hate out on me. I don't care if she's my mother, I don't have to tolerate her BS.
Anyway, my kids have grown up hearing my mother talk hatefully about me. They've been there during her rants/tantrums. They know it's not right...which is why I'm totally shocked/hurt/ready to cut two of them off. My son recently started dating this girl and asked me to come to my mother's house for Christmas. I told him I understand where he's coming from and that he wants to make a good impression for his girlfriend but I'm NOT going to my mother's house unless 1) she apologizes 2) SHE invites me. My son said "you know that's not happening"...and he's right. So why the hell would he ask me to once again overlook my mother's poor behavior and subject myself to her verbal abuse? That's extremely selfish to me. Because my mother has an audience...his girlfriend, she'll use the opportunity to show her ass. I'm not going to be her verbal punching bag anymore. You go have your little Christmas with her and your girlfriend....my sanity and happiness are more important than to subject myself to her crap. I feel like my son's desire to make a good impression for his girlfriend is more important to him than understanding what I feel. As if that's not enough, my 17 year old daughter had the nerve to ask the same thing! Our family is NOT normal and I'm tired of faking like it is!
Anyway, I made my own plans for Christmas. Christmas is about LOVE...and there is no love between my mother and I.
Back in September, I stopped speaking to my mother. After almost 41 years of being told I'm stupid, worthless, would never do anything with my life, I'm not important, I'm a whore, a liar, and whatever else came to mind, I decided I'm not putting up with it anymore. If I let her treat me that way, I have no business expecting any better from anyone else. I tried reasoning with my mother, but you have to be a complete idiot to try reasoning with an irrational person. My mother believes that asking her: to stop calling me stupid, stop telling my kids that I'm a drug addict/prostitute, stop being so rude and nasty to me is disrespectful. Respect is earned, not given...and you don't get it just because you're alive or older than I am. When my mother texted me in September as if she supports me physically, emotionally and financially about something I chose to let my child do, I admit, it ticked me off. Even though I was mad at her, I did not respond in a rude manner. I asked her to please stay out of situations between me and my daughter unless one of us asks for her help. She went off and I told her I wanted to terminate our relationship until she learns to be more respectful toward me. Don't call me a dumb ass my whole life and then act like I'm abnormal because I don't like it!
Every single important person that I've introduced my mother to, she used as an opportunity to make me look stupid. When I introduced her to my ex-husband, what does she do? Ask him what why he would want someone like me because I have nothing to offer. My ex-husband later turned out to be a jackass. He was extremely abusive toward me...always telling me I'm ugly, fat, a whore, stupid, worthless. When he realized the words didn't bother me anymore, he started hitting me. I remember a conversation I had with my mother about why I decided to leave my ex-husband. I told her I had to leave because even though he didn't hit me in front of our kids, I didn't want them thinking that was OK. My mom's response? You're hard to deal with and probably did something to deserve it. A couple years later, I started dating a really nice guy. Took him to meet mom, what does she do? "What do you want with someone like Tisha, she don't have nothing to offer. She's a burden, why would you take on a single mother with three kids?" Thanks for your vote of confidence "mom"! My mother is an extremely hateful and probably mentally ill person...and she takes her hate out on me. I don't care if she's my mother, I don't have to tolerate her BS.
Anyway, my kids have grown up hearing my mother talk hatefully about me. They've been there during her rants/tantrums. They know it's not right...which is why I'm totally shocked/hurt/ready to cut two of them off. My son recently started dating this girl and asked me to come to my mother's house for Christmas. I told him I understand where he's coming from and that he wants to make a good impression for his girlfriend but I'm NOT going to my mother's house unless 1) she apologizes 2) SHE invites me. My son said "you know that's not happening"...and he's right. So why the hell would he ask me to once again overlook my mother's poor behavior and subject myself to her verbal abuse? That's extremely selfish to me. Because my mother has an audience...his girlfriend, she'll use the opportunity to show her ass. I'm not going to be her verbal punching bag anymore. You go have your little Christmas with her and your girlfriend....my sanity and happiness are more important than to subject myself to her crap. I feel like my son's desire to make a good impression for his girlfriend is more important to him than understanding what I feel. As if that's not enough, my 17 year old daughter had the nerve to ask the same thing! Our family is NOT normal and I'm tired of faking like it is!
Anyway, I made my own plans for Christmas. Christmas is about LOVE...and there is no love between my mother and I.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Stop lyin'!
I'm a single mother of a son and two daughters. Girls are definitely a lot more work, drama, and heart ache than boys. I am not ashamed to admit that all of my kids get on my daggone nerves at times but my daughters do it a little better than my son. My oldest daughter is an ugly, narcissistic person. I love her to death, but I'm not happy with the person she's turning out to be. She openly only cares about herself. She actually googled "Narcissism" and was proud that she is the description that she read. I told her she should be ashamed and should be trying to change her behavior. To tell a little about the type of person she is, she's the snob who's stuck on herself....but no one really knows why. She thinks that because she's cute, that looks are all she has to bring to the table. She's rude. She is disrespectful. She will only help if there is a benefit to her. This child NEVER speaks to my father even though I encourage all of my kids to keep in touch with him. I made plans to spend Thanksgiving with my father and his side of the family. I had no intention of taking my oldest daughter because I knew it would be a miserable trip if she went. She'd complain the whole ride up and back from NYC. She'd ask for everything she saw then would pout and pick fights and cop an attitude with everyone around her whenever I told her I wasn't buying whatever it was she asked for. When she told me she didn't want to go, I was glad. A few days later, she changed her mind. I knew she'd act up, but I made up my mind that she wasn't going to ruin my time with my family. The day she told me she decided to go, this is what happened:
Daughter: I wonder what grandpa got me for my birthday.
Me: Probably nothing, you don't even speak to him.
Daughter: That doesn't mean anything. He knows it's my birthday, he should still get me something. I hope he gives me $500 so I can go shopping.
Me: Well, if I put myself in his shoes, I wouldn't spend a dime on anyone who can't even be bothered to say hello or ask me how I'm doing....family or not.
My daughter didn't get it. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for continuously giving her chances to do better...for hoping that by setting the right example, she'll just pick up on it and start doing better. She never does. Today she texted me to ask when I can give her $200 so she can take a driving course. No "hello mom" "how are you mom" "are you busy mom"....just straight to "what can you do for me". I am tired of telling her not to talk to me unless she's doing it in a way that's acceptable to me and her not picking up on the fact that I ignore her when she doesn't speak to me the way I expect. If someone asks how things are going, I tell the truth. I'm good but my oldest daughter is getting on my nerves. Then I get the "oh my kids never get on my nerves and I'm so happy to be a mom and everything is always perfect". Stop lyin! At some point, every child gets on their parents last damn nerve. It doesn't mean that you don't love the child, it means the child is being a pain in the arse...nothing else. Kids are no different than anyone else....there's no one that we ALWAYS feel like being with. I strongly dislike when friends/family act like I'm abnormal for admitting that my kids get on my nerves sometimes. I'm not a bad mother because of it. I'm not going to strap my kids in the back seat of my car then drive it into a lake. I'm keeping it real...something other parents should probably do.
I would totally be in a psych ward somewhere if I pretended that I love every single minute of motherhood. Some days I feel like packing up and rolling out. Totally "normal" to FEEL that way, especially when you have no support system. NOT "normal" to act on it. In order to move past an "anger management moment" you have to put it out there...let it go. I can't keep it pent up and pretend it doesn't exist...spent my entire childhood and part of my adulthood doing that, and I'm not doing that anymore. People need to learn how to listen. Learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes. And if you're going to make comparisons, how about an apples to apples comparison and not the old apples to oranges comparison? If you have never spent a day as a single mother, who and how the hell are you going to tell me that it's not normal for me to feel annoyed by my kids? I'm just annoyed with my kids, I don't hate them! Heck, you have a husband helping you support your kids financially, emotionally and physically....of course you can't relate to what I feel.
People think I'm mean when I say my kids have to move out on their own if they don't go to college when they turn 18. It's not mean. I've done my part and I'm reclaiming that part of my life. I've taken care of my kids most of their lives with no help whatsoever from my ex-husband....so when they're 18, I'm done. That doesn't mean that I won't help them whenever they need it, it just means that I'm not providing EVERYTHING for them.
Daughter: I wonder what grandpa got me for my birthday.
Me: Probably nothing, you don't even speak to him.
Daughter: That doesn't mean anything. He knows it's my birthday, he should still get me something. I hope he gives me $500 so I can go shopping.
Me: Well, if I put myself in his shoes, I wouldn't spend a dime on anyone who can't even be bothered to say hello or ask me how I'm doing....family or not.
My daughter didn't get it. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for continuously giving her chances to do better...for hoping that by setting the right example, she'll just pick up on it and start doing better. She never does. Today she texted me to ask when I can give her $200 so she can take a driving course. No "hello mom" "how are you mom" "are you busy mom"....just straight to "what can you do for me". I am tired of telling her not to talk to me unless she's doing it in a way that's acceptable to me and her not picking up on the fact that I ignore her when she doesn't speak to me the way I expect. If someone asks how things are going, I tell the truth. I'm good but my oldest daughter is getting on my nerves. Then I get the "oh my kids never get on my nerves and I'm so happy to be a mom and everything is always perfect". Stop lyin! At some point, every child gets on their parents last damn nerve. It doesn't mean that you don't love the child, it means the child is being a pain in the arse...nothing else. Kids are no different than anyone else....there's no one that we ALWAYS feel like being with. I strongly dislike when friends/family act like I'm abnormal for admitting that my kids get on my nerves sometimes. I'm not a bad mother because of it. I'm not going to strap my kids in the back seat of my car then drive it into a lake. I'm keeping it real...something other parents should probably do.
I would totally be in a psych ward somewhere if I pretended that I love every single minute of motherhood. Some days I feel like packing up and rolling out. Totally "normal" to FEEL that way, especially when you have no support system. NOT "normal" to act on it. In order to move past an "anger management moment" you have to put it out there...let it go. I can't keep it pent up and pretend it doesn't exist...spent my entire childhood and part of my adulthood doing that, and I'm not doing that anymore. People need to learn how to listen. Learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes. And if you're going to make comparisons, how about an apples to apples comparison and not the old apples to oranges comparison? If you have never spent a day as a single mother, who and how the hell are you going to tell me that it's not normal for me to feel annoyed by my kids? I'm just annoyed with my kids, I don't hate them! Heck, you have a husband helping you support your kids financially, emotionally and physically....of course you can't relate to what I feel.
People think I'm mean when I say my kids have to move out on their own if they don't go to college when they turn 18. It's not mean. I've done my part and I'm reclaiming that part of my life. I've taken care of my kids most of their lives with no help whatsoever from my ex-husband....so when they're 18, I'm done. That doesn't mean that I won't help them whenever they need it, it just means that I'm not providing EVERYTHING for them.
Today I'm thankful for...
Sleeping through the night TWO nights in a row :)
Recognizing opportunity and taking advantage of it
My little yorkie Stanlee....I'm always as happy to see him as he is to see me
Being able to make a lunch date with Dottie...I always learn something when I'm with her
Recognizing opportunity and taking advantage of it
My little yorkie Stanlee....I'm always as happy to see him as he is to see me
Being able to make a lunch date with Dottie...I always learn something when I'm with her
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